And so, our journey continues. Clueless, we wander forward through our meaningless existence. But is it really meaningless?
Iulia is the only one who can understand me, who gets my struggle. We are so different, but somehow it appears that our goals are similar, our desires are the same, our destinies are alike…
The other day I spoke to her, in a moment of despair on my part, and instantly our connection sparked. Because she had been going through the same worries, tormented by the same demons.
Are we wandering this earth in search of something we have always had? Is the ideal world that we were looking for, the one we left behind? Is our mindless quest meant to bring us back home? And if it is, how will we reintegrate? They say home is where the heart is, but what do you do when your heart is scattered all across the world? Lately it has become increasingly hard to determine where my heart is. It seems as if it has been hiding from me, seeking shelter while I weather the storm alone.
And here we are. 5 years have passed since that faithful day we stepped into our future together. Who knew that that day we met in the inner garden at Dinwiddy we would become so close and travel so far together? Because, even though we have different stories and have traveled our journey partially alone, ever since that day of September we have always had each other.
Time has passed, and no matter how nostalgic we may get, we are no longer freshers walking aimlessly towards our welcome party. We aren’t women either. Not yet. We haven’t fully emerged from the cocoon we were so tightly and safely wrapped into all those years. We are still smoothing out the creases on our elegant colorful wings, getting ready to daze the world on the day we set out on our flight to conquer the world. And I don’t know if our flight will be smooth or if we encounter storms along the way. All that I know is that we will be flying together.
You don’t just look for love, love is not sought,
It comes to you.
It could be years, it could be decades,
Love takes its time, it does not rush, and when it does make its appearance,
It’s never without hustle and fuss.
It may come at first, it may come at last,
It never comes easy, but finishes fast.
Many do hope it will last forever,
And try to hold on with all their endeavour,
But sadly, it’s not up to us to decide,
When love will be gone,
As quick as the tide.
The fact that we are all alone is undeniable. We move through life constantly fooling ourselves, living in an illusory mind frame of our own creation, desperately seeking what we convince ourselves that we need… There are no weak or powerful, because we all share the same fate. And when you realise you’re all alone in this big bubble we’ve created, you feel compelled to escape, scratch the walls of this pit we have fallen into, and search for the ones who are not tainted. Surely there must be some others out there who share the same vision, whose minds are still pure and untouched by the vial scorching hand of greed that humanity is cursed to bear. And when you find them, you will be free…
Surely you are not that naïve as to believe you’ll never be alone again. The fact is, we are all impossibly alone in this world. But why should that matter anyway? As soon as you realise that you can go through life without anyone, that’s when you start seeing things clearly. Yes, we are all forsaken creatures who wonder the world in a purposeless quest, a lonely journey towards our final destination. But once you recognise that as the most fundamental truth, you’ll become immortal…
Sometimes I wish I went to sleep and never woke up. Like a withering rose my petals fall off; no water to bring me back to life… My horizon darkened by this wretched world, has burned down the walls of my fantasy realm, leaving me helpless to face this bitter and cold place they call reality. What is there to become of you, little angel? I wonder…
You used to be known as the shining ray of sunlight; the one who lit up the room when she walked into it; the one who lift up the spirits of everyone and everything around her, with a dancing joy in her voice. Now, you are a mere shadow of your past existence; a soldier who’s lost the willingness to fight, who’s abandoned her shield and stands helpless in the face of despair. What force of darkness shattered your burning desire to live? I wonder…
An army of demons sit on your shoulders, whispering dark promises of liberation if you release yourself from the torments of life. And you stand there more alone than ever, with no aegis of salvation whatsoever. They’ve severed your wings, so you cannot rise to the heavens evermore, abandoned by your gods, you walk this earth alone. Who shall be your saviour, little angel? I wonder…
Such sordid questions we live to ask
And as we seek answers, our youth has passed.
Wanderlust is all that we require
In this bittersweet journey that we call life
As fleeting as the wind, as swift as a knife,
A sharp blade that severs all of this delight;
A deep temptation, an unholy urge,
Has prone this desire, an eagerness to purge.
Release all the pain, relinquish your senses,
Vanquish the torment and all your defences;
An utter guilt that has yet to pass,
I promise, one day, it will not be a fuss.
So do not despair, hope has yet to die:
My faithful friend, there will come a time when you will fly.
There is an old Romanian superstition, they say that the way you start your new year is the way your whole year will unfold.
If I was to follow that saying, then I can consider myself extremely lucky. Because I started my year surrounded by all my good friends, joyful, and loved. So I feel fortunate and thankful, to be able to say that I have such good people in my life.
I have a feeling this year will be the best one yet!
Forever in search of sunrise,
What do you know?
Living frivolously, always casting jealously at me
Nothing more than illusions
Fake dreams, sleepless nights
Always meeting between flights
Promises with no end
I just can’t understand
Why instead of being true
You just chose to pretend,
I amend all of the disparities between us
And against my better judgement
I chose to believe in us
But the joke’s on me
Because there’s no ‘we’
In this thing that we were doing
There was no unity.
So I find myself guilty,
And honestly I’m the only one to blame
Because I played your game
In which you showed no shame
How foolish can a girl get?
To trust someone like that
When he shows no respect,
I can hear them now; shouting:
Well, what’d you expect?
Try to tame a beast, and in turn you’re the one kept.
On Saturday October 11 London vibrated and shook, panted and pulsed to the earthquake that rocked the grounds of Trafalgar Square on African beats; it was Africa On The Square!
In the sea of people, African brothers and sisters, from all over the continent, came together as one, and represented the beautiful, unique and vibrating culture of Africa. Ranging from fiery dance performances, to spectacular displays of art and fashion, and of course, some of the best musicians the continent has to offer, this event had it all!
Simo Lagnawi performing in at AFRICA ON THE SQUARE 2014
More than just introducing diverse cultural and art displays, this event was meant to celebrate the beauty and uniqueness of Africa, and was, in my opinion, the crown jewel of Black History Month. It set an example that hopefully will be followed by representatives of other cultures from all over this blessed planet; for people to unite and create meaningful things and not fight; to bridge cultural and social gaps; to teach our children who were born here about their motherland’s culture.
I feel very lucky to have had the chance to watch the impressive show, and dive in this vibrant sea of people who transmit love and life through every move and every word in every song. I can truly say I never felt more alive than in that moment when I stood in the middle of the crowd in Trafalgar square together with all the participants of Africa On The Square!
Forever in search of sunrise,